it's 2:57pm, August 21st

A busker in the station was playing No Children and I rifled around my purse to find a dollar but all I had was this penny tucked into the fold of my wallet.

Something about giving someone a penny felt pretty insulting, so I didn't give them anything.

But I commented to the person walking with me that I wished I could give them something, that way someone would know that I did like his music and that I would be charitable if I had the money. Money which I don't carry because then, when someone unsavory asks for me to be charitable I can tell them that I don't carry cash and I won't have to feel bad because it will be true.

it's UNKNOWN TIME, August 7th

I don't mean to be too woke or anything, but something about the idea of doing girls vs. boys in casual sports and games makes me viscerally angry.

Why has it always got to boil down to gender? Why is our first instinct to separate and pit against one another? Why is that something we instill in our kids?

it's 4:55pm, June 10th

I stopped writing in my journal but today there was a thunderstorm and the lights of the clawcade flickered and died with every flash of lighting.

The machines would all sputter out and then sputter back on, their theme songs starting again from the top in a trill of high notes. I used all my coins getting a Pusheen cat.

There was something in the air there.

it's 12:49pm, May 10th

I feel like every time I sneeze I ruin my mystique.

it's 3:19pm, May 1st

Today the air smelled like my last day of 10th grade. Shotgun in my brother's car, wearing a floral dress my best friend made fun of me for. Class had let out early on account of it being our last day, and the sun seemed brighter and hotter than it had all year.

He was playing Arcade Fire. And we had to wait in a line of cars to exit the parking lot. Much like leaving a packed concert or sports game. I had the windows rolled down and I could hear snippets of conversation from the students passing by.

But instead I'm walking alone down a crowded street, sweat sticking to a shirt I didn't even own back then. I don't know why it feels the same.

it's 3:16pm, April 30th

I'm on my lunch break. I keep your notes tucked between the first two pages of Mother Night. It's getting a little full though, I might have to expand to some of the other pages.

Today my train halted on the tracks so that it wouldn't hit any of the construction workers painting the median. The kid next to me was doing his Japanese homework in the same Genki texbook I used to practice in. And it's funny because just yesterday I was looking into the best way to pick up learning Japanese again.

We were stopped in that train for over ten minutes

I was eight minutes late to work. When I called to tell them I wouldn't be on time, they said "oh, well, I guess we'll just see you when you get here." Which I thought was strange because I have never been late even once.

What did they have to be upset about anyway?